bridge divine

So I am walking along. And the journey is always changing. And over the past 6 months (yep, it has been 6 months since I left good ol’ PDX) I have learned that God is always creating the path ahead of me. Sometimes it is clearly laid and gleaming—like when I was in final preparations for El Salvador, every need was met by small & large miracles and the support & encouragement from friends & family shed a brilliant light on the way. Sometimes the road seems to drop off and I sense a feeling of free fall and my stomach rises to my throat—like every time I’m presented with something totally new and strange and foreign and hard in some way, shape or form—which is pretty much 10 times of every day here. Sometimes I feel alone—like on a lifeboat but with no drinking water, paddle or even Gilligan to entertain me. And sometimes I feel a nudge on my shoulder and Jesus shows up with a wheel barrel or cement or rocks and says, “I need you to actually sweat a bit and build part of the way as you go.”

And every time I think I know what He has planned next, I am always SO wrong and am back in freefall-land or blisters-on-hands-ville. Or, on the amazing days, smoking cigars with a new friend from the Scandinavian ghetto, celebrating a 2 year old’s birthday by splashing in puddles or watching the stars from my small backyard while listening to Bruce Springsteen (The River, to be exact.) And the weird thing is that in all these moments, somehow I am finding a way to be at home amidst all the journey—somehow I am feeling that wherever God has placed me for this moment is exactly where I am supposed to be—even if I have absolutely no clue why or even know my exact longitude & latitude. And this is a gift of God, because by myself I can not make or fake such peace.

Over the last few years I have found God to consistently be there, wherever there is. Always, I find God is there providing the course and the ground to rest my feet upon and every once in a while, I catch a glimpse and realize how beautiful the path is—it is decorated with scenery from all over the world, dear friends of every shape and size, so much lovely music and the reality that I get to learn a new language, love a bunch of new people and see God work in this crazy, lovely world. And there is a peace in knowing that in my sometimes whiney, sometimes humble, sometimes lonely, sometimes laughing perpetual bumbling, I am still following God exactly where He calls me. And that peace might be the most complete beauty I have ever known. And that is powerful. Actually, it’s intoxicating.

And maybe you’re thinking,, “Jolly for you Tina! Of course you have trials and yet feel all saintly amidst dirt and snakes and weird natives. Congratulations! That is the life of a missionary… Duh, I have read the books and saw the Jim Elliot movie. Why are your surprised by some supernatural sense of placement and purpose and peace. That is what we all expected for you”. And then maybe you wonder, “but what about me? I am a soccer mom or a business person or a retired person or a newlywed”—or whatever title is in on your personal business card these days. And you say, “I’m just living in LO or NOPO or SOHO”—And maybe the sense of divinity is sort of obscured by the monotony of alarm clocks, dentist appointments or subway cars without functioning AC. And I get that, but here is the weird thing that I see so crystal clearly that it sparkles, but I doubt many of you will believe me. I know becoming a missionary means I lost all street cred in the daily business of band practice, marriage spats, retail envy and regular life. But please try to hear me anyway. Everyday that I serve in Central America, I think about you at home and it is clear to me that we are all walking the same journey. Really the active, life-filled, joyful Christian walk boils down to two very simple things:

1. Always following God in total obedience wherever He leads with a willing spirit
2. Loving people as much as you can, while continually learning how to get better at that

All of this sense of placement, peace & purpose has nothing to do with where I am or what I’m specifically doing. It’s really just about following God and then inviting Him into every moment along the way. And as we do that, He shows up and works in our lives and does some really cool stuff—challenges us, blesses us, astounds us, comforts us and continues guiding us. And ultimately He shows us how to love this life, this world and those people all around you in a way that crosses into the divine. And you wake up one morning and realize that there YOU are encircled in this amazing life of rich love and joy—no matter where you are.

So maybe you are currently residing in freefall-land or broken-hearts-town or maybe even fiesta-all-the-time-ton, you see it doesn’t really matter where you are, neither physically or spiritually, God is asking you to invite Him along for the journey. He wants to be your partner in crime in this crazy life—but He is so much more than that. Trust me. Or really, trust Him. He will take you on weird roads in new places, and it will be hard and probably scary—but it will also be awesome—rich with a life you could never even dream of.

Ephesians 3: 14-21 (The Message)My response is to get down on my knees before
the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask
him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner
strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in.
And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take
in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love.
Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to
the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!

Prayer Requests:

• Teams: The River West/Agros team heading to Nuevo Renacer leaves this coming Saturday and the River West/ENLACE team leaves the following Saturday. Please join me in praying for the presence of the Lord for every team member as they are in final preparations. We also pray for all of the communities that they will be serving—that they be encouraged and blessed!
• Spanish: Some prayers never change!
• Homesickness: And lately, I really miss you all. So please pray that my sense of homesickness be decreased and my sense of what God wants me to do be increased!

PS: If you loved Roby Duke as much as me, check this out:

Bridge Divine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJkql3_NV3U&feature=related

bienvenido joshua lucas

So, about 6 weeks ago my missionary friends Cindy & Camilo Blanco moved into my home in preparation for their first son's arrival. Camilo & Cindy have started a church about 2 1/2 hours north of San Salvador and have been living and ministering full time in that community. To read more about the amazing work that they are doing, check out their blog at Ojos de Agua. They moved in with me to remain a little closer to the hospital.

Well, it has been an absolute joy to have them as roommates and God has absolutely blessed me with their friendship over the past weeks. And finally last week it was time for little Lucas to finally make his appearance in the world. I cannot tell you what an exciting time it has been! I've never been around brand new born babies and I am amazed at how perfectly made little Lucas is.

I am simply the proudest Tia any kiddo ever had!

seeing is believing

In Nuevo Renacer, the Agros community that River West has partnered with over the last 3 years, there is a young woman named Reina. On our first visit to that community, many of us commented on the lack of personal space she allowed us. She seemed to always be right up in someone's face. We wondered aloud why and commiserated on our discomfort. On a subsequent visit, I spent some time with Reina at her home where she proceeded to put on the thickest glasses I have ever seen. (And I am legally blind in my left eye--so I know pop bottle lens!) And it dawned me, she can't see, that's why she gets to close. I asked her why she doesn't wear her glasses out and she said she was embarassed by them.

Having sight issues myself, this interaction really impacted me because I realized that I could be Reina. Even worse, I could be Reina and not even have glasses to be embarassed by. That's the situation of a lot folks in El Salvador. And honestly, without my lens, I'm fairly useless--there is so little I can see clearly and without them I get headaches that eventually can become migraines. Without my lens, I would also be at the mercy of those that could see around me--a potentially dangerous position. Without corrective eye care, my world would be a lot smaller. So eye care for the poor is definitely one of those issues that I am passionate about.

Recently ENLACE had a team from the midwest of eye Doctors and support staff that offered an eye care clinic. They were able to test vision, dilate eyes if needed and distribute glasses to people in the the poor communities of San Martin. Without clinics like this, the people in these communities would have virtually no access to glasses at all. The team was also able to bring down a huge amount of medicine. In many cases they were able to give folks with glaucoma sufficient medication for 1 year. If you aren't familiar, my lay understanding is that glaucoma is a progressive disease in which increased pressure in the eye eventually will lead to blindness. It is the number two cause of blindness in the world. It's pretty cool to know that a few more people will be seeing for a while longer because of a 1 week visit of about 15 caring people!

I have to be honest, I still find myself struggling sometimes wondering why God uprooted my life to bring me here. I feel so clueless so often and helpless and needy... I ask over and over, "What is my purpose? What is my role? Why God, why?" and then a team like the above shows up with love and kindness and they are simply a joy to get to know. And throughout this team's visit I was able to help with some minor translation, answer questions and, I think, provide comedic relief. But most importantly, I hope I was an encouragement to them as they were being an encouragement to the people in San Martin. And that is a pretty cool role and I am honored and blessed just to be of any kind of service in such a cool project. So, I guess they offered eye care, encouraged the communities and were a significant support to me in my new walk with ENLACE. Pretty cool.

Attached are some photos I took that capture some of the week.

one dolla one dolla

Check out this link: http://www.onedollarwater.com/. It’s brilliant and funny and just may save someone’s life. You can’t beat that with a stick.

so far to travel for Benihana's

So, I may be North American, but in all my life I have never been to Benihana's. Back in '91, my prom date & I took a picnic dinner up to Ashland's Lithia Park and somehow missed that pivotal destination in teenagedom. Well this past Tuesday, quite a few years to the latter, I found myself circled around a large grill with ENLACE friends and Darcy oohing and ahhing over volcanoes of onions and flying shrimp parts.

And it was so awesome.

Sometimes the mission field is weird in ways one would never, ever expect.

PS: I should note that we were there celebrating my friend Ashley's quinceanera and the photographer of all of these photos is Ela Bueno. (Except of course the cute photo of her in her denim jacket--Darcy, took that one!)

give me a d!

Well, Darcy left on Thursday and I'm already missing lil' dizzle. As so many of you know, Darcy is the kind of friend that blesses our lives rarely, but when they do we are influenced by their grace and kindness. And I put that grace to a test as I attempted, and primarily failed, to really show her much of El Salvador. You see, I still only know my way around certain key places: home, groceries, work, church...and the beach. So, I guess I am not the best tour guide yet. And yet, I had such a great week just talking to Darc. It felt so good to have that piece of my Portland home here to share in my El Sal home. It was a blessing beyond description to me. And I only wish we had been able to bless Darcy with a better tan to show for her love.

Here are some pics of our time at the ocean, our visit to Juayua and a restuarent with a Hydrangea garden (one of my very favorite flowers), and a pretty door in Suchitoto. Enjoy!

joy is cool

As many of you at River West already know, this Easter I have been overwhelmed with a feeling of joy. For you River Westers, Guy shared some of the reasons for that joy on Easter Sunday. (Listen to Guy’s Easter message at http://www.riverwest.org/teaching/index.htm ) For all the rest of you, here is what I wrote to the Gray’s that Guy shared:

And yes, Easter is here and boy do I miss you all. It just isn't the
same. But God is so present and near that I am satisfied
nonetheless. Really this is the first Easter I can remember that joy is my
primary emotion--gratitude is in every pore.

Normally Easter is kind of a morose time for me because I am so focused on my sin and the price Christ had to pay for my sin. And yes, I have always celebrated Resurrection Sunday (as Ginny Rodriguez calls it) and am so grateful and relieved that the guilt is washed away and that I live in the risen victory of a risen Jesus—but nonetheless, the overall emotion of the holiday week (or weeks) is kind of sadness ending with a good dose of victory.

Well, this year has been different. Sure, I am removed from my community of faith, family & friends at Easter—such an important annual marker in my faith. And I barely knew any of the songs that we sang on Easter morning—so my ability to worship via song was a bit thwarted. And I am still pretty sin-filled and am still very aware of what responsibility the cross means to my life. And yet, amidst all of this, I feel kind of skippy and happy and so aware of what a lovely world we are all a part of. I know it sounds a bit Pollyanna, but the thing is, it’s true. I have been praying for the past few months that God fill me with His love and really show me how to completely love other people—and I mean love, the real way, the selfless way, the for no reason except Jesus way, the love thy enemy way. As I have prayed for this, apparently the first step was to overwhelm me with God’s deep, abiding, adoring love for me. You see, the more I read the Bible, the more I pray and the more I see God work in relationships in this world, the more I realize how very much God loves the littlest and least of this world—and that certainly includes me. And that truth is so deeply quieting—God really loves me—a LOT—no matter what bonehead maneuvers I pull—ever. I was reading the following in John and I liked how The Message describes God’s lavish gifts and that is what I feel this overwhelming sense of joy is in my heart this season.

John 3:34-36
"The One that God sent speaks God's words. And don't think he
rations out the Spirit in bits and pieces. The Father loves the Son
extravagantly. He turned everything over to him so he could give it away—a
lavish distribution of gifts. That is why whoever accepts and trusts the Son
gets in on everything, life complete and forever! And that is also why the
person who avoids and distrusts the Son is in the dark and doesn't see life. All
he experiences of God is darkness, and an angry darkness at that."

So good. Yes, life is so good for each of us when God is there just loving the stuff out of us all the time. I sure hope you are experiencing that life also—and if you aren’t, I wish you would just try it out—just open yourself up to how God might be able to love you. Trust me when I say that I am the least of you and if he can love me that much—he can do the same for you.

my car still rules!

Oh, and just so you know, my car still rules! Again I want to say thanks for all of the car prayers. I have used my car quite a bit to help pick up folks at the airport, cart my little “family” around, exploring El Sal and will likely allow the River West team in April use her. I need to get "cow catchers" added to protect her from any accidents. Oooo, she will look so awesome with the her armor on!

After many great suggestions, I finally decided on a name: Teresita. Named a bit after Saint Teresa, who sounds like a lady I would have loved to hang out with.

And here is a poem she wrote that tipped the final naming decision:
Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours,
Yours are the eyes through which is to look out Christ's compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good;
Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.

See more poetry here.