From "Oh no" to "Oh my!"

As promised, here is the first in a planned weekly email about my adventure to El Salvador!

I woke up a few weeks ago and rolled over. My first thought was, “I’m moving to El Salvador in 2 months! —Oh my…what have I done!” And then I lay there a few minutes and the let my thoughts sink in and my next thought was —“Wait a minute, I’m moving to El Salvador in 2 months! That is awesome!”

Yea, that is pretty much my life these days—a constant state of being purely overwhelmed and sooo purely stoked. It is such a weird place, but I am trying roll to with it and trust God more and more when the “oh no” thoughts come and embrace the joy feelings when I think about actually getting down there and being a part of such an amazing work. So, even though there are moments, I still feel like I won the lottery. Like I am the luckiest girl alive to have a life that allows me to just go and serve and see what lies ahead. Lately I keep envisioning that boat that Pastor Guy mentioned so many messages ago and I keep thinking what a thrill it is to step out of the boat and follow God wherever He leads me. Sure the process is not without sacrifices or fears, but the adventure is so exciting!

But to keep the record straight, if you thought that by becoming a missionary, you can avoid all second-guessing or feel a perpetual state of purpose or mission, well I am here to say thus far that it doesn’t exactly work that way. Yep, I still feel doubts and fears amidst all of this change. And yet, I still know deep down that this is what God wants for me and there is a great peace and sense of expectation in that. And there is the encouragement I receive from you when you say you are praying for me or donate to ENLACE—that is when you are the hand of God in my life. Pretty cool, huh? And then I also remember that I love El Salvador and I love the work there and I still am awed a bit that I get to be part of something that very specifically brings hope to the lives of the poor—through relationships, through increased skills, through clean water, through fed bellies. Really cool.

Nonetheless, the tension is still there. That tension between what sacrifice requires us to give up and the desire to really live the life we are each called to. It looks different for all of us, but I really believe we all should be living somewhere between the “oh no” and the “oh yes!” It doesn’t really matter whether it is on the mission field or right next door, it’s all about where you’re called and what you are asked to give. And my encouragement is cliché but it’s what I’ve got today—just do it. Just give yourself to the adventure. It’s what makes us alive in our walk with Christ and available to each other as we help & support & enjoy the adventure together!

How to pray for me this week:

• Fundraising continues – It is going very well and I am so blessed by everyone that has given and I look forward to meeting 100% of my budget.
  
• Spanish – The saga continues. I’m still finding it hard to devote time to Spanish and still feeling like I am not doing what I need to be prepared. I feel like I am not doing enough, but I also feel like I don’t have any more bandwidth right now. Please pray that I continue to make this a real priority, find time to practice speaking while being realistic about what I have to give and having patience with myself.
  
• Emotional Energy – I leave in two months. And I am finding that my normally pretty even-keel Tinaness is more of a roller coaster of emotions these days. (For example, I was just crying on my bed one afternoon recently. No real good reason, I just had to cry. It makes no sense, but it is my reality today.) It seems that this is probably pretty normal—to experience pretty intense emotion amidst such a big life change, so I am trying to have patience with myself, yet again, but nonetheless the emotions can be pretty tiring. So please pray that I am able to have a right perspective of what is going on and that God give me the emotional strength and energy for these next few months. And if you see me and I look a little droopy, a little hug goes a long way sometimes.

PS: Saturday, August 25th some of us will be gathering to pray for El Salvador, Nuevo Renaçer, Agros & ENLACE at 10am at the River West Community Center. Please join us!